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March 10, 2011

Weather emergencies during MSA testing

Statewide MSA testing is underway in  the public schools this week, and the state's instructors have received their memo on how to handle a weather emergency, should one occur, in order to avoid disruption of the tests. A teacher (not the one pictured below) has shared the protocol with us:

"Severe Weather Testing Protocols During~MSA

"Should a severe weather situation occur during testing, please remain calm. To display any kind of anxiety would be a testing irregularity and must be reported.

"Please do not look out the window to watch for approaching tornadoes. You must monitor the students at MSA testsall times. To do otherwise would be a testing irregularity and must be reported.

"Should students notice an approaching tornado and begin to cry, please make every effort to protect their testing materials from the flow of tears and sinus drainage.

"Should a flying object come through your window during testing, please make every effort to ensure that it does not land on a testing booklet or an answer sheet. Please make sure to soften the landing of the flying object so that it will not disturb the students while testing.

"Should shards of glass from a broken window come flying into the room, have the students use their bodies to shield their testing materials so that they will not be damaged. Have plenty of gauze on hand to ensure that no one accidentally bleeds on the answer documents. Damaged answer sheets will not scan properly.

"Should gale force winds ensue, please have everyone stuff their test booklets and answer sheets into their shirts being very careful not to bend them because bent answer documents will not scan properly.

"If any student gets sucked into the vortex of the funnel cloud, please make sure they mark at least one answer before departing and of course make sure they leave their answer sheets and test booklets behind. You will have to account for those.

"Should a funnel cloud pick you, the test administrator, up and take you flying over the rainbow, you will still be required to account for all of your testing materials when you land so please take extra precautions. Remember, once you have checked them out, they should never leave your hands.

"When rescue workers arrive to dig you out of the rubble, please make sure that they do not, at any time, look at or handle the testing materials. Once you have been treated for your injuries, you will still be responsible for checking your materials back in. Search dogs will not be allowed to sift through the rubble for lost tests. Unless of course they have been through standardized test training class.

"Please do not pray should a severe weather situation arise. Your priority is to actively monitor the test and a student might mark in the wrong section if you are praying instead of monitoring. I'm sure God will put war, world hunger, and crime on hold until after testing is over. He knows how important this test is.

"Thank you"

(SUN PHOTO: Amy Davis 2004)

Posted by Frank Roylance at 1:46 PM | | Comments (7)
Categories: Tornadoes
        

Comments

Frank that was absolutely hilarious! And probably not quite as far off as most would assume. I have two children taking MSA’s this week and received several ‘helping’ e-mails and phone calls instructing me as a parent to insure that my children would go to school well fed, well rested, with a healthy snack, and a bottle of fresh water since the presence of water helps students concentrate!

To the administrator who wrote the above:

The testing can be done again. If a child dies, they cannot be brought back.

If the test is so important, then go to the General Assembly and ask for money to build storm-proof, nuclear weapon-proof, X-Ray proof, tamper-proof, etc. rooms be built onto each and every school in the state, and YOU monitor the students while they take the test in those rooms.

Oh, and when the General Assembly laughs you out of the room, don't be surprised.

In other words, take your precious test, and stuff it.

(And I don't even have a child, so your stupid, idiotic, 'instructions' don't directly affect me.)

FR: Umm, this was a spoof.

Very amusing.

Too funny!

I'm glad to see the testing is getting the attention it deserves. To prepare my son I'd taken to spritzing water at his mock test sheet to make sure he can shield the paper properly without risk of water marks which may interfere with scanning. Placing ping pong balls it front of the fan also worked well for increasing concentration despite any distraction.

disclaimer: not really...still spoofing

Maybe it was a spoof, but I've met many 'administrative' types who consider 'the program' more important than the personnel.

This is almost too close to reality to be truly hysterical.

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About Frank Roylance
This site is the Maryland Weather archive. The current Maryland Weather blog can be found here.
Frank Roylance is a reporter for The Baltimore Sun. He came to Baltimore from New Bedford, Mass. in 1980 to join the old Evening Sun. He moved to the morning Sun when the papers merged in 1992, and has spent most of his time since covering science, including astronomy and the weather. One of The Baltimore Sun's first online Web logs, the Weather Blog debuted in October 2004. In June 2006 Frank also began writing comments on local weather and stargazing for The Baltimore Sun's print Weather Page. Frank also answers readers’ weather queries for the newspaper and the blog. Frank Roylance retired in October 2011. Maryland Weather is now being updated by members of The Baltimore Sun staff
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